The Season of Giving and a Wish for the Gift of Listening

It's the month of December, and we are deep into the season of giving. This phrase is often used to describe the period around the end of the year when we tend to be more generous and charitable. It is the month I pull up my "Charitable Donations" spreadsheet (yes, I am a spreadsheet nerd) and make all my donations for the year.

This time of year, across many religious denominations, is also defined by gift-giving. Just turn on your television. The advertisements, streaming shows, and movies have a common refrain. Get out to the stores and stimulate the economy. Consume. Buy materials things. Wrap your gifts and prepare to give.

I want to believe that this season of giving is about more than material things. I have been fortunate in my life. I don't need any more stuff. So, my wish for all of us this year is the gift of listening.

Let me explain.

I play a lot of pickleball, not necessarily well, but frequently. One of my best friends, Greg, is also one of my weekly opponents on the court. While we are evenly matched with pickleball paddles in our hands, we come from different sides of the political spectrum.

I would describe myself as left of center on social issues and right of center on fiscal issues. Greg is pretty much right of center (but not far right) on all matters. That could make for a rocky friendship, but it works.

When Greg and I play on Saturdays, our routine is almost the same every weekend. Play for a few hours and then head to the local Dunkin Donuts for coffee and conversation to discuss (solve?) the world's problems. If I am being honest, I usually add in a bacon and egg sandwich to balance out the pickleball!

If you watch the discourse on any cable news channel these days, it would be easy to assume that our conversation could get quickly heated. But it doesn't for a simple reason. We both know how to listen. And we know how to listen respectfully, ask questions, and learn.

And yes, we both learn. Over the years, perhaps, our respective positions have softened while our understanding of the "other side" on various issues has expanded. We don't retreat to separate corners, just opposite sides of the pickleball court when it's time to play again. As much as I love the competitive pickleball games, I think I like the post-game discourse even more.

Then there is my friend Wayne. He started as my fitness trainer almost six years ago. There is much less fitness training in my routine these days, but I think he is still one of my closest friends.

To say that Wayne and I came from different backgrounds would be more than a little understatement. I grew up privileged (but hopefully not spoiled) as the son of a physician and university administrator. Wayne grew up in a more economically challenged environment.

In between whatever cruel exercise he invented for me that day, I would ask Wayne questions, and then I listened. Politics, social issues, current events (and yes, his analysis of my beloved Buffalo Bills). What I received in return is a perspective that I could never obtain on my own.

An old (sort of) white man of privilege can't easily see the world in the way that a young black man who has worked his way up the ladder can. The exercises and the workouts are good for me, but the listening and learning are even better.

We come into this world with two ears and one mouth. That biological condition seems to make a lot of sense. We should spend at least twice as much of our time listening as we do talking.

While Sue (my wife) might testify to my lack of (or often selective) listening skills, I believe I listen rather well. It did not happen overnight. It took practice and life experience to grow ears of a proper size.

I think I developed an ability to ask questions and listen carefully as I progressed through my career in sales. I have a (relatively?) small ego and was pretty sure I didn't have the answers to everything. So, I learned to ask my clients many questions, listen to their answers, and then use that information to formulate proposals and close orders.

With each passing day, in my view, our society continues to divide and move further into separate corners. We listen but too frequently only in our own echo chambers.

Perhaps if we just talked more to (not at) each other, listened carefully, and learned a little about each other's positions, we could find our way back toward the center. The middle, I believe, is where understanding and cooperation live. That would be a great gift this year.

And if you listen very carefully this weekend, you might hear me shouting in joy (or crying in despair) as the Buffalo Bills battle the Dallas Cowboys in a critical NFL game. Go Bills!

Dan Troup is The Sunny Side of 57. He loves to reflect and write about life, family, career, and retirement. Check out more of his reflections on his blog site. Also, consider subscribing to The Sunny Side of 57. When not playing pickleball or hiking with Sue and Rigby, he writes a new post about twice a month.